The multinational agrochemical and agricultural biotechnology corporation, Monsanto, announced this morning, that they had genetically engineered a modified corn crop, designed to help men have larger penises and longer-lasting erections.
The company’s scientists used genes from a number of plants to create this surprising species of transgenic corn, described as “more efficient than any penis-enlarging pill”. They notably used genetic material from a plant native to Indonesia and Malaysia, called Eurycoma Longifolia orTongkat Ali, which is known for its ability to raise testosterone levels.
They also used genes from watermelon, as its rind is a good natural source of citrulline, a dietary precursor which causes the penis to fill up nitric oxide. This relaxes the smooth muscle in blood vessels and erectile organs, augmenting the penis’ capacity for enlargement during erection.
“Men will no longer have to pay hundreds of dollars to have larger penises” says Dr. Filmore, who directed the research team. “They’ll just have to eat nachos, and our corn will do the rest! We know that there is a great demand for this specific product, and we are proud to announce that we will soon be able to make their wishes come true!”
Over the last few years, penis enlargement has become a multibillion dollar industry. Companies have developed countless pills and products of varying efficiency, to satisfy the world’s ever increasing demand.
According to Dr. Filmore, the key was to create a strain of corn that looked and performed like the existing one favored by American farmers — so that it would be accepted — but with the penis-enlarging gene.
“Genetically engineered crops can achieve some highly specific tasks, but they have to behave and taste like normal crops,” he says. “Our new strain is even sweeter and tastier than other types of corn. It’s also easier to grow and it yields a slightly larger amount of grain than other strains, so it’s definitely advantageous. We’re going to feed the planet and help men with erectile problems, all at once!”
This new strain of corn is in its final stage of testing and should obtain its final approval from the FDA over the next few weeks.
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